Are you comfortable with silence? I am.
Are you comfortable with being alone? I am.
(Okie, i know i've been cranky of late but i really think it's seasonal and it's due to hormonal changes.)
Bumped into a relative when i was with some colleagues yesterday. She was with her two young kids. We tied the knot at around the same period some 5 years back and she went into the family planning route immediately and have been a stay-home mum since.
I wasn't very keen in striking a conversation but she was. Though we were only two years apart, we weren't very close and I was trying my very best not to sound too superficial. At the end of the chat, i thought she didn't sound very good, she sounded like she needed company and someone to talk to. She sounded as if life had not been very fulfilling for her. Her countenance wasn't as great as before. Well, perhaps i was reading too much into it.
I've been looking around and friends who are mums literally devote their whole lives to their kids. Their children became the centre of their lives and everything else seemed to have become secondary. Their conversations theme around children and more children and they rush home immediately after work. For some, it was children over job satisfaction (ie, accepting new job challenges and embracing growth of that nature). Needless to say, retail therapy and tea sessions are hard to come by. Okie, even sms chat sessions seemed to be strenuous for them!
Okie, enuff rattling. What's my point?
These wonderful mums probably gave up their dreams and private space for their children.
I've always been one who treasures my private space. Hubby and i had discussed this and he knows that. I definitely am one who needs "time out" to be by myself, be with my frens, doing things that i like. I've never been one who needs hubby to be around twenty-four-seven. In fact, i think i won't want him to be around twenty-four-seven. I need to breathe!
Now that my first child is on the way, i know life will be different. I really wonder if i'm prepared mentally. Sure, i love my baby and sacrifices are necessary but i don't wan my life to be centred around her. This thought has been haggling in my mind. I don't wan to give up persuing my dreams. I know dreams can be postponed but, for how long? I would still love to have my private space and I absolutely don't like the notion of "no choice".
One important question - how am i to strike a balance?
Will i be like one of my friends subconsciously and eventually become one of the norms?
Hmm..am i self-centred or is this struggle a "necessary evil"?
4 comments:
good to be thinking abt this... I haven put much tot into what life is gonna be when baby comes. I guess with such a supportive husband, u will definitely be able to pursue ur dreams. U will not be a home-mama I m sure... U wont stay long... heee... so, I m wondering if u will still take no pay afterall.. sikali after one month confinement already running back to work! =O
Hee, you sure know me well. For sure, i won't be a stay-home mum for long. I'll be bored to death (i think) and i can't stand being stagnant. Imagine being "cut-off" from the world...
But for now, i'm looking forward to my maternity leave and no-pay cos it'll be a temporary escapade from work. learning curve has been lots steeper this year + too many things happening. i do think i need some 'time out". =)
Hv been coming by to look at little adrielle's scan. Esp the one with her big big eyes! =) jz super amazed by what ultrascan can do and cant wait to meet my own baby too! =)
I've also been staring at Baby Adri's scan. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, I really hope that she won't take after 'you know who', esp her eyes... =P
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